Which costumes/ascensions do you consider weird functionally?

I know there’s been threads about keeping servants at lower ascensions and that sort of thing, but this thread is for discussing which outfits/ascensions are weird from a functional standpoint.
Most will probably fall into two camps:

  • Impractical/nonsensical armor
  • Uncomfortable/inefficient clothing for movement in battle

To give an example of the first, there’s ‘please stab me in the stomach’ first ascension Mash armor or more recently Valkyrie’s ascensions which all feature an armor window that’s basically designed for disemboweling.

To give an example of the second I’m sure many will think of Melt’s or Brave Liz’s metal in certain places with no clear padding or Nero’s giant lion shoulder guard (which admittedly I kinda like, but would be a pain in actual battle).

Anyway, what examples come to your mind? Are you fine with such outfit choices, having accepted the nature of clothing in fantasy games, or do you prefer alternate ascensions that don’t feature those (if the servant even has an outfit that doesn’t have the odd feature)?

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Okita Alter. Every Ascension.
Her chest is free for any weapon to pierce through.

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let the chest be free, unrestrained, not beset by such useless material things

Obligatory Ushiwakamaru mention, and to be cute about this, every Summer getup (easy to move, but nonsensical).

To be more serious altogether, for some reason Hans actually came to mind given how much he does look like some loud-mouthed writer who’d stand in the back as a Caster and support others, which makes no sense with how Servant battles tend to go (even Medea got bonked quite a bit lol). And that’s why my Hans is approaching Bond 9.

Sanzang’s strikes me as obviously being easy to maneuver in, though naturally still falls into the former camp. Sanson is just… wearing a coat, never mind his bizarrely big shoulder guards or whatever.

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I mean like almost every female servant and most of the male servants have very stupid from a practical combat perspective designs.

Basically any outfit that includes

High heels

Any part of the belly exposed

If wearing armor (though with servants armor being useful is questionable simply bc of the level of power most servants have) any armor that fails to protect the entire chest.

Any weapon that deviates from standard template designs. As boring as non ornamental melee weapons and bows can look they look that way for a reason they are that way is due to a lot of complex math, metallurgy, and biology reasons.

Any servant who enters melee with long hair, capes, or scarfs see chiron vs Achilles in FA for why scarves are especially stupid.

Any servant basically wearing swimwear, yoga pants, body stockings, and “total not” lingerie.

Suits and ties, they look good but any man who has been forced to wear a tie while doing anything physical can give you a detailed explanation on why the feeling of being constantly choked by a weak person is not fun.

Those are the examples that stand out as universally terrible. That being said artistic licence and bc servants are so exceeding more powerful then normal humans allows a bit more latitude. I still despise heels and capes with the exception of jack, she keeps that cape on at all times. I can stand the summer servants bc its thier shtick not them being practical as their normal forms but as much as I love Scathach her outfit was terrible as skilled as a fighter and teacher she is in lore she would know better.

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True, she has armor on basically everything except for her vitals in her third ascension.

Well, the first point only really applies if there is actually any armor. If there isn’t, then it’s in the second camp of whether it’s comfortable for movement in battle since it seems they don’t plan on getting hit.

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I did say “to be cute about this,” what with it not actually being armor. :stuck_out_tongue: You’re gonna get whacked regardless, most likely, in these HGWs.

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Off the top of my head, those that stand out the most for me would be…

Liz’s 3rd Ascension. That frilly dress just does not make sense.

Penth. I expected an Amazon to be better armored. Not having less and less with each Ascension (then again that’s par for the course for this game).

Wu Zetian. 2nd and 3rd. Would have preferred to have her get a more elaborate dress the way that Tamamo’s changed for her 3rd.

Meltrylis. Skimpy, yes but she’s technically made of water and can manipulate her form so having no armor isn’t entirely bad. But that huge white dress does nothing for maneuverability.

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Now I’m just imagining that part of the battle being inserted into Edna Mode’s ‘No Capes!’ rant from The Incredibles. :joy:

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It really is the best example of that. I actually really like that fight because of that bit of practically, the sudden entrance of something so practical in a fight between the son of a titan an nearly invulnerable demi-god is just great actually made me think for a second Chiron actually stood a chance vs one of the most overpowered heroes in that war.

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Brave Liz
Bride
Any of the swimsuit servants
Most non caster females

less obvious
Mordreds helm. Horns are a terrible idea on a helmet in CQC. Just gives opponents something to grab and use leverage to control you
Leonidas- Spartans wore a bronze chest plate

Generally the actual armor designs are pretty ok, (see gilles, Bedi, Lancelot ) They’re not obviously way too bulky and there are very few if any female sets of armor IRL but Saber Lily and Artoria armor aren’t too silly (only issue is they seem to lack upper arm amor and they use two handed swords which is a terrible idea. If they had upper arm armor or 1h sword+shield no complaints). It’s not like WH40K with gigantic pauldrons

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Which would you think falls into this group? Because there’s a lot of very different weapon designs that were used in battle throughout history, so I figure in most cases there’s some creative freedom here.

Most recent case sigurd. His daggers are fine though not in the way he uses them, throwing daggers in real combat are used to distract not to actually do damage but that has more to do with aerodynamics and the physical strength of a real person, a servant particularly as strong as he appears in lore, being able to push mash back easily where Ivan took more effort to accomplish the same, throwing daggers via punching might actually work. His gram sword in his final ascension being basically a medieval darth maul saber wouldn’t be normally functional. Any Weapon with that kind of a design has an inherent problem, its as likely to hurt the user as the intended victim. Someone who uses that weapons would have to well exceed human skill which he does but he would likely get the same effect with a more simple design without any of the risk.

The design of Karna’s spear since I use him often stands out both in release and normal form. In released its just too long for his body, again superhuman abilities help mitigate this but still less efficient then a properly designed weapon would be, the weight would be pushing down on his wrist multiplied several times compared to a normal length weapon, reducing his strength bc he would have to be focusing it on keeping the weapon in proper position. The more ornate almost staff like version of its normal form bc of the head being a weird shape detract from the main advantage of a spear, reach and thrust. Slashing looks cooler but against an armored target thrusts are more useful, spears are the embodiment of this philosophy its why until halberds come along they are the most common melee weapon in history. Swords outside of duels are usually relegated to side arms in history.

Arjuna’s bow and most of the bows actually have ornamental parts around the spot where an arrow would be notched against the bow itself, if you where going to have an ornamental you would want it anywhere else to prevent deviation in aim. Orion/artemis being the exceptions since her authority forces every arrow to hit so it doesn’t really matter.

Again most are artistic licence and can be explained by magic, magical metals that defy normal laws of physics, and or servant’s superior abilities which is why i don’t overly mind weapons themselves over the wardrobe choices but super long weapons specifically do bother me even with superhuman abilities they still wouldn’t be as good as a normal designed weapon that compensates for the servant’s increased strength, plus a huge problem with long weapons is the reach that in an open field is a great advantage becomes a huge liability in enclosed areas since most servants don’t carry sidearms.

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Yeah, I figure his released form is just for using his NP, we just have it as an ascension in case anyone wants him in that form all the time (so for the Karna fans that want him to have his armor off all the time). I’d agree his regular spear form is a weird design, as if it’s only a spear for the length of that first point and then the circular section is like some kind of mace.

From the ones I looked through Arjuna is the only case and his seems to be magical, so I kinda let it slide.
Well, Tomoe’s is the exception that’s very complex and likely very impractical.

all of raikous ascensions both in lancer and berzerker.

helena archer. allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll of it.

wu chest ribbon

jack 2nd and 3rd ascension

liz 3rd ascension.

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Lartoria. The first two ascensions have good-looking armor but then you get to the third and…

Lartoria Alter is even worse. The first ascension is fine but the second, they took away the armor covering her legs and her upper inner thighs are exposed. This woman is riding a horse. That looks like it’ll chaff hard as hell. The last ascension is the worst though because now there’s a huge area that’s completely bare like a big “aim here!” target.

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Lartoria second ascension has that too, the main difference in second ascension is Lartoria might have armor on the outside of her legs (hard to tell) while Lartoria Alter clearly does not (unless that’s some form of super-thin armor and not just clothing).

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Granted the number of archers that use bow is small, Arash has blades on the side, though in a more forgivable spot, his is more where a modern scope would be but even modern scopes compensate for the weight. Actually having a really hard time thinking of archers who actually use their bows, wow no wonder that’s a meme. Atlante’s is fine, tomoe you already mentioned but her bow bc of the fire string i assume is actually magical, who else actually uses a bow? drawing a blank.

Still most of weapons designs are more forgivable bc of of magic and servant abilities. Overly long weapons being the notable exception bc even with their abilities they have to compensate for new weaknesses that most if not all do not. Sadly bc weapons are more interesting armor rarely gets spotlight which leads to more freedom in wardrobe which leads to more questionable choices.

Honestly armor is the most important choice in battle gear. Even padded armor is actually quite good and drastically reduces enemy offensive options before Sam Colt equalized everyone . You got to determine what kind of weapons the enemy is going to bring, and what kind of fight you are going into, the terrain, but servants just wear what’s hot. Like I said i love Scathach but she knows better. At least semiramis for her terrible wardrobe choices isn’t expected to go into melee. Lancers and Sabers have a higher hurdle for their wardrobe bc they are melee exclusive servants, once range enters i can be more forgiving.

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Oh, so she does. I didn’t notice, haha. It could be armor on Alter but either way, the lesson of the day is don’t ride horses on bare thighs yo.

I left Robin out since it’s a crossbow, but others I checked that you didn’t mention were Euryale (shown in final art), Tawara Touta, Tristan (first art before it turns into a harp), Chiron. I guess I forgot to check Emiya (second and third art), I’m not entirely sure if the guard on it would interfere with his aim…

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Thanks for the reminder.

Robin, i don’t like that his is an arm crossbow, reloading crossbows is already notoriously a problem, their main advantage was an proper archer has to train a life time to developed the right muscles and skill, but until semiautomatics could still out pace a gun if they had the skill and right structure. Crossbowmen are like gunmen easy to train in a short amount of time but since they lack the semiautomatics reload ability the reload speed is awful on a crossbow. Having it attached to his arm increases that problem but makes it a better first strike weapon being its easier to hide if the master is willing to use a knight as a surprise attack.

Tawara is a proper bow in all forms so good on him.

Tristan first form is a good bow, harp bow less so obviously.

Chrion not a fan of blades but his are right at handle part so it works. Still its extra weight but given his status as a teacher i have no reason to believe he doesn’t know how to handle that.

EMIYA is odd, it appears to be just a handle that even the war bow variant of the Japanese bow lacks, not as familiar with eastern weapons so I will default this to the same as chiron its not needed but ultimately not detrimental particularly given EMIYA being stupidly skilled at being practical compared to most servants is his thing, I would like to think he wouldn’t use a weapon that has an inherent disadvantage since he lacked the special servant abilities to compensate.

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