“My hair is delighted to inform you that the Battle City tournament has now begun!” Or at least, that’s what @belluchi would have said, had his wig not been snatched by She is a Hot Hoe !, who said “bitch, stfu I picked Mai Valentine.” Surrounded by her precious friends, She is a Hot Hoe ! opened a bottle of essential oils and snorted, feeling better than ever. Next to She is a Hot Hoe !, a Winged-Beast duplicated and together they flew around to see if they could take a shit on Jason, since we are in the FGO section and all, but got sad when they realized Jason hadn’t gotten to America yet and that they’d have to wait for the COVID vaccine. So they ate Elon Musk instead and flew off with some hi-tech shit with nipple spikes. Like Icarus, they flew towards the sun, except instead of the sun it was nighttime, and instead of the moon, there was a big D hanging in the sky.
In one corner of town, a Fishing Pole Enthusiast picked his nose for some bait to reel in a big one, if you know what I mean. The Fishing Pole Enthusiast tried to reel in the Court Fern, but the Court Fern threw a flash grenade and ran away screaming, since the Court Fern was NOT a fishing pole enthusiast. Meanwhile, The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest was seen chasing after Kaiba’s Incest Fetish, who had just asked @LateToTheParty to help her rob a bank and pay off The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet’s Nest. But everything worked out because @belluchi, the bank teller, gave them both a blowjob and @LateToTheParty even showed them how to run from the cops afterwards! They ran past the sex dungeon where My Name Isn’t Alice could be seen telling the Rope Bunny the wonderful story of Cinderella, and the Rope Bunny bippity-boppity-boo’d and felt refreshed, since My Name Isn’t Alice is too young to give blowjobs. The Sex Dungeon Owner was there too and decided to fling some cubes and sacrifice a Shinx to Lady Luck. It seems fortune smiled upon him today because he rolled a 4 and watched as the warrior-type next to him grew a little bigger. The Rope Bunny’s Spellcaster-type got a little smaller, though. Bad viagra in this sex dungeon.
The cops were still running, although after whom I’m not quite so sure anymore, but they did find Casper the Friendly Ghost making a shady deal with a goblin, who went rogue and ran away to give a blowjob to some Italian but the Italian said “you’re not American” and left before the goblin could finish. Sad but now determined to suck the best dick imaginable, the goblin ran off to the sex dungeon to suck Rope Bunny’s dick.
The po-po were BUSY tonight because they got a call to come to a card shop, but since they were busy running from @LateToTheParty, they sent their new wigless recruit @Belluchi to check it out. There, @belluchi found Damseled, Probably trying to rip off the Fried Wyan Fan, Kaiba’s Incest Fetish, and the Anthrocon Attendee, who was extra confused because they were supposed to be at the mini furry convention in the sex dungeon. Damseled, Probably tried to give Fried Wyan Fan 3 beers and a back rub, but they weren’t into that shit, sober January or somehting smh my head. Damseled, Probably also gave Kaiba’s Incest Fetish some fish pussy, which they happily accepted. Then Damseled, Probably got the Anthrocon Attendee in a headlock and took a peep at their monster, but @belluchi broke it up, saying that you shouldn’t make advances on furries unless you’re prepared to face the consequences. The Anthrocon Attendee was like, “yo I gotta go check on my furry friends” and left, although @belluchi could hear some baaaaaing happening outside, so he warned everybody not to go outside unless they were prepared to gouge out their eyes. Kaiba’s Incest Fetish had business in the sex dungeon, so they left the card shop and took the Anthrocon Attendee there.
The cops also ran past Baby Loves to Dance in the Dark, who was at the jewelry shop and NOT robbing it like a poor bitch. When @Belluchi, still wigless, approached and asked if Baby Loves to Dance in the Dark needed help picking out a necklace, Baby Loves to Dance in the Dark said “Our hair is perfect” and went off searching for something better.
The necklace was just a red herring because Baby Loves to Dance in the Dark divided their soul in half (and it’s not even past midnight smh my head in America), ran into the sex dungeon, and possessed Ropy Bunny’s Spellcaster! However, at the same time, the Court Fern sent a Fairy to say “gay rights” and make the Rope Bunny’s Spellcaster-type a homosexual for the evening.
Suddenly, a BUNCH of bitches paraded into the sex dungeon. At first, the Sex Dungeon Owner thought Aesop’s Fable and The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest were there because he brought sexy back, but neither of them were horny enough to twist his nipples. Anthrocon Attendee and Kaiba’s Incest Fetish also arrived, and Aesop’s Fable immediately started giving the Anthrocon Attendee a lap dance, which made the Sex Dungeon Owner feel a little left out, although they couldn’t do anything about it because, y’know, sex dungeon. (GM’s note: I guess they forgot about indoor gathering restrictions during COVID.) Aesop’s Fable also held hands with Kaiba’s Incest Fetish and The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest and sang Fah Who Doraze, Dah Who Doraze, which made them all feel the magic of Christmas. Kaiba’s Incest Fetish, in the singing mood, summoned a chibi Legolas with a snowglobe. A small fire burned a little bit of Screw the Rules, Kaiba Programmed Me’s circuitry, ostensibly because singing Christmas carols after Christmas is a crime and they tried to call the cops, but the chibi Legolas with a snowglobe appears and made Screw the Rules, Kaiba Programmed Me feel a little better. There was a little extra damage done, it seems, because Screw the Rules, Kaiba Programmed Me was on the verge of setting off the fire alarm before the Sex Dungeon Owner uninstalled it, saying that the smoke detector was bad for their hair. Have No Fear, Amy Rose is Here heard music coming from the sex dungeon and tried to play along, summoning a knockoff Charizard, but they just kinda merped and derped and didn’t do anything. Kaiba’s Incest Fetish also tried to suck their own dick, but this didn’t work because Kaiba isn’t into selfcest (GM note: what a shame tho.)
Veronica Lodge paraded into the sex dungeon like a pompous bitch and tried to give a magical book to the Rope Bunny, but since the Rope Bunny’s monster was being possessed, they were like, “bish stop being useless” and rejected the magical book. Not like it would have worked anyway because Casper the Friendly Ghost was a peeping tom and had a magical telescope that penetrated deep into the sex dungeon’s depths and shredded the magical book into a million tiny pieces, just like Veronica Lodge’s dreams. My Name Isn’t Alice found a gingerbread model of the sex dungeon and tried to force feed it to the Rope Bunny’s Spellcaster, but since they were possessed and all, they weren’t into it. They DID manage to force feed Kaiba’s Incest Fetish’s Spellcaster, although it didn’t seem like it had any effect.
Baby Loves to Dance in the Dark, who had been patiently looking at the leather section while all of this was going on, finally said enough was enough and ordered their newly possessed Spellcaster to attack the Rope Bunny! They also ordered their Fiend to attack Rope Bunny as well. The Rope Bunny was hoping for a magical assist, but blowjobs don’t protect against attacks, and so their Life Points were greatly wounded! Fortunately, chibi Legolas with a snowglobe dusted some powder on them before the attacks connected, softening the blows a little bit. Laughing maniacally, Baby Loves to Dance in the Dark sacrificed their possessed Spellcaster’s soul and fired it at Alex Murphy, who had just arrived in the sex dungeon and was browsing for mechanical, well, if you know, you know. Alex Murphy was like “that’s rude” and was shook when the soul-cannon made contact, shrinking their dick a few inches and probably turning them gay, too. The chibi Legolas with a snowglobe also absorbed a bit of the impact, so maybe it was the chibi Legolas with a snowglobe who turned gay instead. As a parting gift, Baby Loves to Dance in the Dark tested both the Rope Bunny and Alex Murphy for the coronavirus, and since they tested positive (fake test), Baby Loves to Dance in the Dark changed into and said “I’ll be checking in to make sure you’re quarantining” before peacing out like a dirty cheater. Aesop’s Fable also tested positive for the coronavirus, and when the Sex Dungeon Owner saw this, they kicked Aesop’s Fable out.
Right after this, a Heroin Smuggler?, who was also running from the cops, it seems, smuggled some winter snow from the streets and applied it directly to Rope Bunny’s wounds, and this was almost as good as a blowjob but since we’re microdosing because there’s a narcotic problem in America, it wasn’t quite as good as a blowjob.
I Thought BDSM Stood for Buddhism somersaulted into the sex dungeon with their Warrior-type, who brandished a sword that made the Heroin Smuggler? a little jealous (because you could smuggle a lot of stuff with that sword) and ripped into Veronica Lodge, who was hoping everyone had forgotten about them. Before the attack could land, Kaiba’s Incest Fetish handed over their STD test swabs to the newly employed @belluchi (because the Sex Dungeon Owner is running a responsible establishment, get tested everybody) which must have been positive, because they transformed into imps and pulled on both Veronica Lodge’s weave AND Veronica Lodge’s Spellcaster’s weave and they both came undone right before I Thought BDSM Stood for Buddhism’s attack landed. Veronica Lodge looked surprised when they tried to protect themselves and the sword that made the Heroin Smuggler? jealous was like “no u” and shut that shit down, cleaving Veronica Lodge’s Spellcaster in half and damaging Veronica Lodge"s life points! Fortunately, the imps didn’t manage to snag the magical book from Veronica Lodge’s Spellcaster, so Veronica Lodge wasn’t hurt as badly as they could have been. The now-gay chibi Legolas with a snowglobe also appeared and sprinkled some snow on Veronica Lodge, making them feel a little bit better. Kaiba’s Incest Fetish also summoned a coffin, and out popped the Dark Magician Girl, who rushed back to Veronica Lodge’s side. Kaiba’s Incest Fetish had to do their swabs again tho, and they felt a lot fainter this time around.
Meanwhile, The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest invited Alex Murphy to play sex dungeon video games, but Alex Murphy was being a model citizen and social distanced themselves. The Sex Dungeon Owner was sad that The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest didn’t invite them, and felt sad. Then they were like, “wait, I’m the HBIC here” and kicked all these bitches out onto the streets and closed the doors of the sex dungeon.
I’m a Mouse, Duh was a little sad that they didn’t manage to make it to the sex dungeon in time, and they looked at the Wrong Generation to see if they knew the deets of the mini furry convention that was supposed to be happening, but Wrong Generation just shrugged. Casper the Friendly Ghost was also looking for Don’t Call Me Gaga, ostensibly to send them a goblin blowjob, but there was nothing to see.
The Fishing Pole Enthusiast had a small nosebleed from picking their nose too much, but nothing to worry about. Then a comet came from the sky and landed on them, causing their nosebleed to get a little worse, but the chibi Legolas with a snowglobe softened the blow a bit, so they didn’t exsanguinate to death N1 like a bitch or anything. As dawn broke, a Heroin Smuggler? could be seen sucking Rope Bunny’s dick.
The Dark Magician has been defeated.
We’ll send out PMs shortly.